Spanglemonkey

Puff Puff Busy Busy

I scored an interview with the director of the library today at 4. It means Eliz has to wait for a ride home until later, but she'll live. Dealing with things! Left and right! Front and center! Go, me! This means I can write the paper sooner rather than later and get it over with.

But I'm so busy in the next week or so. Tonight I have dinner with Reena and Jak. Tomorrow I work in a food bank with the Unitarians, Thursday is information night at our home high school, Friday I work at my internship since Wednesday is a holiday. Saturday I have the resume review and mock interview. Sunday I go to the wine country with C. Something every day.

One More Time

I figured out that what I was thinking would be the subject of my marketing paper is actually not suitable. I need to email the director of the library instead, and write about his answer to some proscribed questions. Ah well. Such is the coursework.

I can't believe I only have one registration left, one more class to take, one last time with all this stuff. I've been in school for a really long time, three years, and now it's coming to a close. I'll be happy to see it go, but at the same time I'll miss doing it. It's a mixed bag. I feel like I've gotten pretty good at the coursework.

This morning I have some free time in which to have coffee with Ep, and then I'll see pdoc at 12:15. I'm really glad he decided I didn't have ADD. He was planning to consult with the good folks at Staffnord about my case, because it's complicated medicating someone with bipolar and ADD at the same time. But then he decided against it after giving me the questions. I wasn't really up for a medication change. I'm stable in terms of moods and I don't want to mess with that.

Did I tell you? On Saturday I'm going to SJ State for a mock interview and resume review process. I'm a bit tense about the interview part, but I think that's a good thing because it's realistic and it'll be good practice in real life conditions.

Not Losers, Just Down a Game

Aw, too bad, the 8th graders lost their volleyball game and I think that means they're not going to the playoffs. Eliz was very frustrated with her team.

Now the girls are wild and giggly and we're eating pot roast. I found out my loan check will be mailed on the 18th! Ring the bells! Rent won't be a problem this month!

I'm going to try to live austerely even though I have the loan. But first I'm getting some new clothes for the girls. They're living in tatters.

The Din of a Thousand Babies

The actual amount that Manny owes me keeps going up as I look at the past statements. I wrote to the whole crew and he wants to meet for coffee and talk about it. So I'm working on it. I remembered that he paid for pdoc's large bill, so we might be even after all. What a stinking hassle. I think it turns out that he owes me about $2000. Enough to pay for pdoc's latest bill, as it happens.

But of course the money does not actually exist.

I took Sophie to the doctor, where every baby with sniffles in the tri-state area was in the waiting room, wailing away. But we got a all-clear. She doesn't have strep, just postnasal drip. Claritin it is.

Now I'm doing some Dewey work.

Cutthroat Me

Back from the Y. It sure helps. I have an entirely new outlook on life.

I figured out that Manny owes me a couple thousand dollars, but for some reason I'm reluctant to announce that fact to the lawyers and him. I know he doesn't have it, and I don't want to appear contentious. But I guess I need to let them know. I'd love to have the money, or some kind of concession because of it. I need to be a little more cutthroat. It's hard. I'm not used to being against him.

Must pay bills. Oh yay.

Actually, now that I add up the amount it turns out to be $3682. Wow.

Sick Girl

*Sigh.* Sophie is sick again. I think I'll bring her to the doctor because she has a sore throat and has for days. She's a miserable lump on the couch.

Guess I'll be working from home today at my internship. I have those Dewey numbers to look up so I have stuff to occupy me. And I can go exercise some of this free-floating anxiety out of my system.

Mustering Zen Energy

Last night I finally reached the woman from the senior center whom I've been trying to contact all week, and I read her email and thought, omg, I've really offended her with my questions by being totally condescending toward old people. I was embarrassed and felt guilty by turns and totally down on myself.

Now in the light of day I reread her email and it seems like she was just trying to strike a tone of gentle rebuke and reminder without being absolutely angry like I thought last night. So that's why I should never do anything by night, because I assume things like that. Gah!

My night was full of anxiety dreams about losing the house. It's really coming down to the wire, and soon. And it's something I have no control over, and nothing I do has any effect on it. So I must make a zen approach instead and let it be.

Going to my internship today. Not entirely sure who I'm working for.

The Events

Ep and I went to see (Untitled), a movie about the art scene in NYC. It was hilarious and spot on.

What a busy day. OMG. But I managed the whole coffee hour fairly well, despite the bad coffee; I turned in my exam after going over it with my group (finding out immediately that some of my answers were wrong, because it was posted online after the exam went in); and then the movie with Ep. Now I'm sitting around watching Mercy.

On a related note: How to get gum out of rental brown carpeting?

Variety being the Spice

It's a busy day today. I am organizing the coffee hour at church, and then directly afterwards I sweep onward majestically to Mountain View to my class group, where we'll talk about the latest exam. After that Ep and I will go to see Paris, the movie. More French film.

I saw the Goat movie. It was mediocre in my opinion. It tried really hard but it wasn't quite as funny as it thought it was. I liked all the Jedi references, though. Afterwards I was in the strangest most distant mood. Everyone seemed like oddities. I rushed home so I could decompress a bit and see if I could recover. I did, rather quickly, with the aid of the TV. Then the girls came home and everything returned to normal.

I dreamed about those clay soldiers in China all morning. I couldn't remember what they were called so I kept thinking "machu picchu," which is totally wrong, of course. Couldn't be wronger.

Abundance, part II

Gadzooks, I nearly had a heart attack when I thought my rent check was going to bounce. Turns out it already went through and furthermore the money from next week is already in my account. Good gosh. I've got to figure out how to climb down off the ceiling with my anxiety today.

Anyway I'll go run my errands and maybe going to a movie will help.

Abundance!

I spoke to C. on the phone about my money woes, and he pointed out that thinking about yourself in abundance is much better for your psyche. It manifests itself in feeling okay about where you live and how. So I'm trying hard to think of things as abundant. I have enough food, I live in a house, things are all right.

I'm going out after lunch to buy food for tomorrow's coffee hour at church. I'll go to Trader Joe's or something. Cheap cookies. Some cheese and crackers. Maybe some fruit. Half and half.

I think I"ll go see that Goat movie.

The Sick Demographic

Oh I dunno, I'm debating whether or not to go to HMB for the spanish story hour. It's a long way away and it's not even what I'm looking for, which is a bilingual story hour. But that paper I have to write awaits today and I would really like to have some notes from a visit. So I suppose I'll go. I can always talk to the librarian and see what he has to say. It's kind of awkward because I don't speak a word of Spanish myself, so it's not like I'm gunning to become a children's librarian who runs bilingual story hour. It's just that I need a paper topic and spanish speakers are a large demographic.

Manny called me this morning all confused about what to do with Sophie today, since she's sick. The grandparents are in town and they probably want to do some kind of activity with her (wouldn't it be nice if they went clothes shopping? Not going to happen unfortunately) but she's still abed with a fever. Maybe she'll stay home with me today.

Dicey Items

Lots of fun and bonhomie last night when we met Ep and Ep's husband Clyde at the new pub in town. We watched him eat haggas on a stick and drink beer with unusual names. We ate charcuterie that tasted like ducky butter, kind of rank if you ask me. I'm not too into the gamey stuff. Then I got a text message from Manny saying he was waiting at my house with the girls. I managed to text back that I was coming, and wow, it was already 10:30 at night. Go figure!

Now I'm biding my time, wishing I were still asleep. I don't know why but I got a terrible night's sleep. I kept waking up and fretting and turning over. It means I'll have plenty of time to get ready to drive to Spanish story hour in HMB. I won't understand a thing that's said, but I would like to talk to the guy. He claimed he sent me an email but I never got it. He really wanted me to go to a story hour next wednesday, but the paper is due on Tuesday so that won't work. I could get an extension but then it runs into the paper due after that one.

I applied for a part-time job doing data entry and I"m hoping it comes through. It would help defray some things, for sure. And soon my student loan will come and birds will sing and flowers will grow.

Food

Doing some editing. I need to do the take-home exam from my cataloging class but I'm putting it off because it's so irritating. I have to show what I'd put on a card catalog for a certain book. We're given the information and have to put it in order. Ack. It's very specific and circumscribed and there are painstaking rules to be followed that are found on the very extensive website.

Sophie is lying in bed watching movies, all blissed out. I give her tylenol and her fever comes down, and when it wears off her fever is back. Can't seem to just knock it out.

Went to see my therapist where I was tightly wound and tense. Ah well. She's no doubt seen it all. She suggested I go to a food bank for groceries and I was somewhat offended. Someone else might need that food, I said. Oy.

Rejection, Ho!

One rejection letter, check! One to go. I am not sure how to do this. But I'm doing my best, so yeah. Maybe I should find out who Marya Hornbacher's agent is somehow.

It was not easy driving this morning. It took me almost 30 minutes round trip to do a ride that should take about 15. I'm really glad I don't usually do that trip in the morning. I think I got the good end of the deal doing the afternoon driving.

The first two chapters are 63 pages total. Possibly I should break it up a bit more? Yes.

If I don't hear back from the children's librarian in HMB I think I'll have to make up my experience. I can certainly imagine what it would be like to be at a bilingual storytime.

Busy in the ol' Email

I probably overwhelmed the bilingual librarian at HMB with questions, but I'm hoping he writes back soon anyway. I mean, if I were that librarian I'd be kind of excited about questions like mine. But I'm kind of a raving intellectual when it comes to work. Also I've written to two agents and I am waiting to hear back. It's exciting, it is.

This morning I'm driving the kids to school for once because Jules is shadowing at castlemont. It's a hotsy totsy school in Paly for girls where 100% of the students end up at a four-year college. I wish I had the energy to make something like that happen for Eliz, but truly I don't. I don't want to drive there every day, I don't want to go through the process of applying for a scholarship and even for admission. I just don't have the strength. Besides, I believe in our local school. I've heard good things. So my laziness wins.

Poor Sophie had a fever last night so I"m keeping her home no matter how she feels this morning, following the directions about putting at least a day between school and fever. But tonight her grandparents are coming, and I'm going out. They might need to just hang out here or at Manny's house. I'll vacuum today just in case.

This morning I"m seeing my therapist. It's been almost three weeks. I'll tell her all about my case of nerves. Yuuug.

Debtor

Well, I went and did it, I signed the promissory note for the student loan. Yikes! I hope I can find a job so I can actually pay it back. Seems so far away and so difficult to get to, a paying position somewhere... I have to keep myself on target and finish my work, and eventually when I'm on the market I'll have a fighting chance.

Sophie has a fever. Poor kid is all droopy and red as a tomato. She'll be staying home with me tomorrow.

Man it's weird that it's only 6. It feels much later.

Cancellations and Difficulties

I can't find a bilingual story time after all. It seems they're all cancelled. It's a good thing I called. There's one in half moon bay at 9:30 on Saturday, if it's still taking place. I wrote to the person running it. Getting there will be a challenge but I think I could do it.

Now what? Dare I make up the event? I think not.

Pretending to Visit

I don't quite know what to think about literary agents who don't have an online presence. It seems cocky to me, like they're not hurting for business and so they don't have to solicit anything. I'm kind of thinking I would like to work with someone who isn't from a huge agency and can be more personal. But then I'd like to work with anyone who can sell my stuff, really. Can't afford to be picky.

I'm dicking around waiting for 5:00 to roll around so I can go to the Spanish-speaking library to interview the librarian who does bilingual storytime. I hope it's not cancelled like the last one I went to. I don't know what I'll do if that's the case. I will have to make it up, a faux visit to a library. How impressed I'll be with the programming!

The neighbors are banging on the walls. Putting up pictures perhaps? Something ambitious.

What Will Happen!

I think I might be getting the dreaded Disease. I feel it coming on. Or maybe it's just that I didn't sleep well and then exercised vigorously? Let's hope so. Sophie is home today with some kind of ick in her throat and a cough and general malaise.

I only have three weeks of my internship left. After that I am more available to work somewhere. Big changes are afoot. This will be my final registration for classes. A graduate! Another master's degree! How many can I get?

When I retire, in forty years or so, I'll go back and get my MFA in writing.

Busting Out

I like to be in a protected bubble of quiet when I'm at the Y, so I'm always alarmed when the 60-something men speak to me. One of them commented today on the Unitarian t-shirt I was wearing and I was afraid he'd ask "What do Unitarians believe?" which is always the question (and there is no answer) but luckily he dropped it immediately and I was able to go to the machine instead.

Maybe I'll go to the coffee shop now? I'm hungry.

Getting Out

Good morning. I get to go to BM coffee this morning because my group is cancelled! Yay. I'm looking forward to just sitting. Maybe the sun will come out and we can bask for a bit.

I sent out a query yesterday to an agent for my memoir book. I'm really hopeful that they'll ask for the excerpt. You just never know, do you. My query letter was written well, I do believe. I compared myself favorably to the Year of Mag. Thinking. Ha! This afternoon I'll prepare some more packets and send them out.

Today I'm going to bilingual story time at one of the branch libraries. I hope to arrive early and talk to the librarian about her strategies for running the thing. I need to write a paper on it this weekend.

Internship

At my internship this morning I started out filling the displays as usual. I noticed my boss and the director looking around at the collection talking about what was "circing" and what wasn't. It's always interesting getting a glimpse into my boss' working life. I went upstairs afterwards to get started looking up Dewey numbers laboriously in WorldCat, but the computer I normally use was discombobulated, its pieces lying around horribly. So I stopped by my boss' desk. She told me that the entire library is shutting down for the month of December, and how did I want to deal with those extra hours I wouldn't be working? Wow, I said, the entire month of December?! Yes, she said, we're doing a lot of construction and the HVAC system will be out so we can't have the public in.

So I'm also trying to call the woman I've been playing phone tag with about marketing to the elderly.

Now I'm home and working on my computer, looking up Dewey numbers and wanting to read all the books I'm finding. They're all interesting.

Today

I managed to make it to the Y to do the elliptical for a mere 18 minutes before I had to get home for a shower. But it's been days, so anything I do is commendable, I do believe.

After yesterday's running around I think today will be pretty mellow. I have to run a couple of errands after my internship but nothing like the wall-to-wall marathon I did yesterday.

I passed a house for rent yesterday right by the high school. I need to go get the number off the sign.

Doubtful About It

Whew, the crackpot libertarian running for school board didn't win! Yay.

The coffee tastes better than usual this morning. I'm sort of feeling... okay. Not so anxious for once. Yesterday I was talking with pdoc and expressing my doubts about sending out my book to agents and he was all, wouldn't you like to get some good feedback? Send it out! You don't have to publish it! So I think I will. Once I get through one more iteration of editing. I've gone over the beginning until I'm blue in the face but the remainder of the book needs a bit of editing to survive.

I have my internship this morning, if Sophie isn't sick today. Time will tell.

Race Away

Shall I drink wine, or take an Ativan? Probably wine is going to make it so I can at least stay awake until ten or so. I find myself racing and going through the day over and over obsessively. It's been kind of intense.

Maybe wine and TV.

Shoulders Around Ears

Wow, this day just hasn't stopped. I showed up at the accountant meeting at 9, just as we'd said, and the woman thought the meeting was at 9:30 so Manny and I sat in the waiting area for quite some time, discussing what was going on. Then the accountant wanted an accounting of everything monetary in our lives, exhaustively. I was so jacked up for the meeting I had to take out a pen and play with it under the table just to give my hands something to do besides taking hold of her notepad and ripping it dramatically to bits. I'm so damn stressed I can hardly believe it.

So I got into my little rental car and headed to Ep's house and then to lunch at Buc's. It was nice to sit and talk though my mind is quite wandery today. I then went to see pdoc who asked me all the questions about an ADD diagnosis. I came out rather low scoring and he said he thought that I was suffering from extreme stress rather than ADD proper. I agree; I don't think I have ADD, but I do have symptoms. It makes it hard to concentrate and difficult to follow things like conversation.

I picked up my car from the repair place. $700.

Sophie called me from school and she's become ill in the last few hours. I think she has the flu.